Inspired by my friend’s lovely post on our new joint blog about her experiences of speed dating, I thought I’d just give a few snippets of my own advice on how NOT to conduct yourself on a date.
- Never take a girl on a date to McDonald’s.
- If you’re in a (rubbish) band, don’t bring two of your bandmates with you and then ignore the girl you’re out with.
- Never, EVER, lech at other girls in front of the girl you’re on a date with. (Especially the girls that work in the restaurant of your choice… Which in this case was McDonald’s.)
- Never say you really like a girl and that you’d like to see her again, if that is not your genuine intention.
- If you’re going to bring a picnic, don’t eat all the food yourself. Sharing is caring.
- DO NOT… I repeat, DO NOT, make a sexist comment/poor joke about how you’d love to be able to pick which women should be free to walk down the street TOPLESS. You’re on a date, remember!
- Don’t try and woo her by showing off your extensive knowledge of nettles.
- Don’t wear sunglasses all the time.
- Never make a horrible comment about a girl, just to make your pathetic mates laugh.
- ‘Treat ’em mean, keep ’em keen’ doesn’t work.
- Don’t lead anyone on, especially if you’re only going to drop them when you meet someone you like more.
- No means no. Don’t try and push things any further.
- Don’t talk about your exes!
- The whole ‘hot/cold’ thing is horrible. Stop picking people up and then dropping them when it suits you.
- Never lead anyone on, especially if you’re figuratively looking over their shoulder for someone more appealing on a dating app… Let them go, because they deserve better.
- Don’t leave anyone standing in the rain for 15 minutes, just because you can’t find an umbrella.
- Never lie, because you’ll be found out in the end.
- Keep your wandering hands to yourself.
- Don’t ghost! I can’t stress this enough!
- Don’t bench either! (It’s infuriating.)
- Leave your phone alone.
- Stop asking people on dates if you don’t actually bother to organise anything.
- Don’t introduce yourself with a criticism of the person you’re trying to impress.
- Have fun, by all means, but don’t forget to be kind too. We’re all people with thoughts and feelings.
- Honesty is the best policy if you don’t fancy a second date, but be tactful.
- Speak to your date respectfully. Don’t be rude, even if you don’t want to see them again.
Yeah, all the above things genuinely happened. I really know how to pick ’em, don’t I?
Have you got any dating horror stories?