Not Waving, But Drowning.

Posted on 3 min read

This is the fourth consecutive week that I’ve spent every single night at my desk. Working on this blog, primarily. Several hours pass by before I realise that I’ve been sat here, with a cricked neck and sore back, until way past my bedtime. It must be Blogtober, eh?

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I started preparing, planning, and writing in advance of Blogtober in the middle of September.

By the 1st of the month, I had six posts already scheduled for the first week. There were several others that I’d chipped away at too, with a couple near completion. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make me feel the tiniest bit smug. That’s well and truly over now, because…

I’ve hit that brick wall.

It’s the same brick wall I hit last time.

The brick wall that brings a constant headache, perpetual neck aches and back pains from an ergonomically-poor seating position, along with a consistent kind of cabin fever that makes me resent my blog and the Internet and everything and everyone.

I know I chose to do this, and nobody’s making me. So, yeah, I should definitely pipe down a bit. Shut up and get on with it.

But, I’m running out of valuable words to say. I’m rambling because I’m starting to run on empty, already.

This is normally the time where I’d take a break and disappear for a few days, or maybe even a week or two, but I’m giving myself no choice but to plough through the fogginess in search of clearer waters again.

I wanted to write this – whatever the hell this is – because:

a.) I know the posts that I’m supposed to be finishing up for this week aren’t done (some aren’t even started) and won’t be done in time. So I need to fill one day with something, so it’s this – sorry – and

b.) I wanted to be honest. It seems a bit disingenuous of me to pretend I’m eternally happy and everything’s always fine, doesn’t it?

(You know you put too much time and effort in when a minimum of five hours a day isn’t long enough to get blog posts done…)

What I really need right now is a night away from my desk. A day away from a computer screen. An evening on the sofa with Netflix to keep me company instead of my own words. A pamper night (God, I can’t remember the last time I had one of those) where I slap on a face mask, paint my rugged nails, and have a bath; go all out and immerse myself in self-care and bubbles.

Because I’m starting to feel like I’m losing my marbles a bit. Like nothing I say makes sense. (Even more so than usual.)

And if I’m being brutally honest, these posts haven’t been doing as well as I hoped (on the whole) so it’s a bit disheartening to put all this effort in for little gain.

This is definitely one of those posts that I’m going to read back in a few months and go ‘Katie, what the hell were you thinking?!’ but, that’s Blogtober for you, I guess? You’ve got to sacrifice some quality for quantity. So, I’m sorry that all you got today was this, guys…

Liked this post? (Really?!) You might also like: Being More GratefulBeing More Positive (When You’re A Massive Pessimist) or maybe even A Bit of a Nightmare.

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Not Waving, But Drowning.